Dear Charles,
It has been close to five months since the day i decided to leave that relationship for good. My days are getting better each day ever since that day. I learnt the fact that this relationship is going to be toxic be it my mental health issue was at bay or i am mentally stable.
No woman wants to be a second option, a reserve card neither as a mistress. A woman who does that simply because she does not want to be alone and would sacrifice her happiness just to be with someone. I didn't want to lose myself even though i loved you more than anything else.
Trust is sacred. If trust was broken, it is hard to build back the trust. I understood why Dash was like that after she caught you. She was all over you and truly loyal to you for the past years. I may not know her. But i only knew the story from you. A loyal partner will always have insecurities once they catch their partner cheating.
When you were with me, you were drained. Drained from reassuring me and drained from making things okea. Why ? You were not healed from that marriage yet. As much as you mentioned i kept using break up card, you had also used youe cues when it comes to reassuring me.
You mentioned my depression took a toll in this relationship. But when i realised, it wasnt my depression but it was your divorce procedings that took a toll on this relationship.
You mentioned that you you thought i had healed. Nobody is properly healed. There will be flashbacks. Just like you, having flashbacks of what your past did to you. Your ex cheated on your and such. You took it upon me so that you can feel the thrill of cheating and seeing your own partner making out with another person.
I didnt agree to the offer you made that night for that massage. I didnt feel right. Im submissive and loyal as fuck to you and i only wanted to do all those things with you - not having someone else. But still i was to be blamed. You used the victim card on me - i chose to leave.
Little did you realise, you became selfish towards the person who wants to be a part of your life, who accepts who you are, respected you and not looking down on you despite of all your flaws. You drew a big line towards me. You didnt see all that. Because you didnt dive into my feelings and how much i wanted this relationship to sustain.
If i didnt want to save this relationship, i would not have seek help from the psychiatrist nor go for counselling to get myself better. Yet you didnt see the effort i made that far. You chose to put the blame on me.
I got to know i had Cassius. I didnt even wanna tell you because of the trauma you put me through. The ownership for Groot. You mentioned you would fight to get Groot's custody. I kept it all to myself so that i would not have the fear to lose Cassius. If you could do that to Dash, you could do that to me. If you could cheat a lot of times when you were with Dash, it is possible you could do that to me. But Allah took Cassius away from me. But i accept the fact that it was written. My boy will save me and bring me to Jannah with him.
I am glad that through me, Allah gave you hidayah to accept Islam. I forgave you from the bottom of my heart and had always kept you in my prayers despite of all the hurt and trauma you had cause through my healing process. Allah sees. Allah knows. Kifarah exist.
Lastly, you did not love me that much as how i loved you wholeheartedly. Thank you for leading me towards healing despite being hurt badly by you at the end. Allah has better plans for me ahead. I hope one day you will truly realise how much you meant the world to me than the rest did for you.
P/S; i will forever remain a secret in your life. The secret that you will never forget till the end of time.
Best of luck & May Allah bless you
Xoxo,
_galangal_
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