Taking a break

Dear Diary, 

It has been a week since i deactivated all my social media networks. I do believe that social networks affected my mental health progression. I would always pass by sad quotes and such. 

Been isolating myself not for negativity but more on healing. They asked me "you missed him right?". I said Yes i do. A lot. But i know he was not meant for me. He wasn't ready for me. If he was, it would be the other way round. I am happy that he is happy now. He finally gets to reunite with Groot - the love of his life. His happiness was my happiness too. Although i am no longer with him & i have cut contacts. 

I don't need any closure. I found the answer myself. If he was meant to be mine, he will be. But i know Allah is saving me from hurting myself further. The only pain now was missing him badly. It is indeed hard but i shall pull through it. Like how my exes used to say to me including him,  "You are too good for me, I don't deserve you". Never once has anyone said "you were the one for me. Where have you been?" I was too dumb back then to give it another try as all i needed was love. Being in love and receiving love. But it's alright. It may take months or years to heal from all these. I know it's hard but i know i can. 

School is finally starting and i am so going to be busy with studies and assignments. Kinda sad that it is gonna be on home base learning but the better side of it, I don't need to waste time travelling to and fro. 

I just love being all alone. So calm. So peaceful. There were a few episodes that i broke down and cried myself to work. There were a few episodes that i dreamt of him being with someone else or reconciling back with Dash. I don't know if it was a sign or it was just a dream. He could get anyone though, i believe. Good for him. 

Started reading back all the books about Allah, Rasullulah & the Holy Quran. Just bought another 2 books, 1 was the history of all The Prophets & the other book is The real deep story about each verse of The Quran. 

Cant wait for the books to arrive and to start school. Looking forward to a happy 2023 🫰

XoXo; 

_galangal_