Dear Diary,
On the last day of Ramadhan, i got my results for my previous module. Instead of being happy for Raya the next day, it was indeed an emotional night. Gotten an F. I knew I didn't do well for the paper, the quiz and the assignments.
Still on the period of healing even though i chose to leave. The loss of my child and i had the answer that it was true, Charles didn't love wholeheartedly. It was indeed the worst trauma and pain that i had ever encountered. Flashbacks started when he once told me that he failed his degree and master due to what Dashani did to him, mentally & emotionally torturing him. He did the same as well. I wasn't wrong for being a rebound to him.
But fret not, this is not gonna bring my guts down to achieve the things that i would want to do. To be a counselor for Youths, Inmates & people who are struggling with mental health. It shall all start in me.
I knew i was just a rebound. If he truly loves me, he would not have gaslighted me, played the victim card and blamed my depression for the downfall of this relationship. But itsokay. I forgave for what he did. Kept him in my prayers so that Allah showed him the path and let him feel what i felt all along. Kifarah sure exists. It was written in the Quran, never let a woman shed her tears especially when she is in her sujood and crying to Allah for what that person did. Kifarah happens not just to the person. It may happen to their loved ones too.
The pain that you brought to me, will i remember for the rest of my life. May you feel how painful it is being treated that way. May Allah return back to you for the things that you did to me. I am not gonna be the woman who only led you to Allah and the mother to Cassius. I will always be the woman whom you gonna remember that you have hurt and mistreated badly. You led me to healing but you destroyed my life and my hope for you.
Thank you and May Allah show you the path.
Xoxo
_galangal_
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