Trying. Keep on trying.

Dear Diary, 

I woke up crying again. My family is going on a fishing trip tomorrow and didn't even bother to text me if I wanted to tag along. Even if i work on a saturday, they could plan on a Sunday or something right ? 

It is not about being petty. But remembering your other family members too. But yeah. I had always been outcasted. Be it in the family, friends or relationships. I am only needed in desperate times. 

I guess i would just have to hustle alone. All alone. Heal alone. Get back on track alone. If no one could give the support, the motivation, the attention & the love i have needed, it is alright. We all die alone anyway. 

By showing much love, affection, care, concern & attention will end up getting me hurt even more, i would rather not do it again. 

The people i love mentioned that they don't deserve me & i am too good for them. I shall just lead my own life alone. Till one day, a person comes into my life that would give me all that i had given to others who don't appreciate me and say that "i found the one, which is you - my perfect fit for a lifetime" 

Till then, i shall go on with life with this wound and heal as much as I can. I want to love myself, prioritize myself and do everything on my own. 

I had never been selfish. It's hard for me to be one. But i have to. For the sake of my own happiness. 

I know it is gonna be hard but i shall push myself. I want to be happy. One day, i shall feel love by someone, who is gonna love me wholeheartedly and accept me for who i really am. 

Trying. Keep on trying Syima. You will heal. You will get better. You will be loved. 

_galangal_