Relapse.

Dear Diary, 

I dont know if they just want to destroy my happiness or if they just want to see me suffer without them. It took me months to finally move forward. Not looking back anymore. But I don't seem to understand by the sentence of "found your peace/ person" but you are still reading my blog, visit my ig, fb and twitter. 

But nevertheless, i have already forgiven you. I knew i was just a rebound. You did not love me that much as what you meant. I was dumb. I should have just left from the start. But yeah. Out of love, i stayed still. Till I can't hold it any longer. That was when i decided to leave. The day i decided to leave was the closure i had given to you. 

I know this relapse is even worse than before. Waking up feeling lethargic, hopeless and endless suicidal thoughts really tempts me a lot. But it is okay. I shall and i will overcome it and heal properly. 

I believe in Allah's plan. He opened up my eyes, my mind and my heart. There was a reason why me & Taufik parted. Allah put the both of us into so much heartbreak and pain. When Allah reunites us back, it was so unbelievable this was what a true healthy  relationship is. I felt calm. I am at peace. Even when there are doubts, he never failed to reassure that it will be okay. 

Its a matter of time. I have put everything behind. The rest i leave it to Allah swt. 

Xoxo 

_galangal_