Dear Diary,
Grieve for all the love that I have lost till I do not have enough for myself. I knew I should not have from the start, but it was all the empathy i had within. I crave to be loved deeply by a person till i did not see any red flags coming in. That was when i started to fall & shattered. Broken into pieces.
At this point of time, i am like a child. Taking baby steps one at a time. Still feeling empty within. I had given up crying. I cannot see to whom should i hold a grip onto. To whom should i trust that they are going to be there, be it come what may, we shall go through this together.
At this point of time, i do not know what to feel. Just empty, full of doubts & how shall i start trusting people. How shall identify which people really loves and which people only want to take advantage of me.
I was told that i am self pity. But i did not want that. All i wanted was stability of my mental health, my feelings & being given tons of love, care & concern. But i know, i cant be getting all of that. Others have their own life too.
I was told to Husnuzon - thing the good ide of life. Follow the flow. But what if i got hurt in the end, again? I dont want to think so much. It is going to hurt me again.
How do i let it go of all these and set on a thick filter so that i would not bother and be hurt again.
I dont know. I really dont. In the end, i do not want to hurt anyone neither do i want to hurt myself either.
I just want to breath, be happy with a fine loving ass partner who i would share my tears & joy, who i would wake up to everyday, who i could get crazy with & be madly in love as days passes by.
I cant be possibly disturbing my closer ones each day. Maybe 1 day, that day will come. The person who is my person. Who will never stop showing love to me everyday, who never fail to be attentive to what i share everyday & who never stop making me feel that i am the most luckiest woman on Earth.
For now, it was all a dream. May this dream turns into reality one day.
XoXo,
_galangal_
No comments:
Post a Comment