I chose myself

Dear Diary, 

Today marks the day that i finally chose myself more than anyone else. It hurts. It is sad knowing that you are nobody's utmost priority. 

Battling in my inner demons, getting myself healed and moving forward for a better life & happiness. I chose the person whom i want to spend for the rest of my life. I thought i found him. I thought he was the one as he was different among the rest. 

But mentioning that overall i am not his utmost priority brought me to a state where i had enough. Previously, he mentioned i was too good for him and he doesn't deserve me. Now, i was not his utmost priority. 

I made a decision where i do not want to be anybody's option nor 2nd or being there whenever they needed me. I am crying while typing this. It hurts a lot. Whenever i am slowly healing, I get hurt again & again. It is so tiring. I had always put the love of my life at the utmost priority yet i was not. For the previous relationship even. 

Being a good woman sure does sucks. I do not want to let my guards down. I do not want to lose myself again. Now, i am choosing myself. Putting myself 1st at the utmost priority. Be special to myself & love myself more and more since i cannot be anybody's utmost priority, special to anybody or someone who loves me more than i love them. 

For all that i am looking forward to now, is to achieve my dream that i had been chasing for years. Even if it takes me to be alone, i shall. I got nobody but i still got myself. 

To all the people whom i had given my love to, thank you for all the lessons that were given to me. I have forgiven everyone sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Even if i were to end my life so that i will no longer feel any pain or sadness, do know that i tried my best to be the best version of myself. 

Thank you so much. 

XoXo, 

_galangal_